Missing Conversations
by lakariana
Summary: There have been some little plot holes and missing scenes this season that just keep needling me. Warning - element of sarcasm ahead! This is just a little piss take to get it all out of my system. Hopefully funny.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** Ahhh Once Upon a Time, my favourite show… however there have been some little plot holes and missing scenes this season that just keep needling me. Here they are in no particular order. Let me know if you agree.

….

 **Number one**

"Hello? Mr Merlin?"

"It's just Merlin."

"Right sorry well I'm -"

"Henry, the new Author. I'm pleased I have this chance to meet you face to face."

"Yes. Me too. I was hoping I could talk to you about that."

"Of course you must have questions. Let them rip."

"Well … I get the power of stories, believe me I do, but how do I decide which stories are the best ones to write down and do I need to go around interviewing everyone or am I supposed to just watch from like bushes?"

"Well-"

"And why does it have to be a magic pen, if I write something in biro in one of the blank story books will it not count or fade away or something?"

"You will-"

"And do I have to use ink made of _blood_? Where do I get it from? I don't want to keep stabbing people if I'm in the middle of a tale and run out. Does it need to go in the fridge?"

"That's-"

"And Isaac looked the same to my grandparents, does he not age or was that just because of being trapped in the page? Am I going to be stuck as a thirteen year old forever?"

"That would be a cruel fate indeed, don't worry, you'll age as you should. Henry, what do you really want to ask me?"

"Why did you do this? Why create the Author? Stories teach, they give hope, they should be remembered and passed down, but you just need a preservation spell for that, why create a person who can literally change reality?"

"It was an unforeseen ability I didn't realise had appeared until I was already trapped inside the tree. My apprentice did his best but he's always been more of a follower than a free thinker. He believed I couldn't error and so didn't act until it was too late. But you Henry, I can see you're the right choice for the job. I have no doubts you'll be a great author."

"OK, I guess that makes sense. So there's been a lot of Authors right? Where are all their books? Do they help people, like my book? Can I read them? What do I do with my books once they are written? Do you keep them all somewhere? Do they have like a mind of their own because mine sort of disappears and reappears?"

*sigh*

 **Number two**

"We've just returned to Storybrooke and apparently been gone six weeks and lost our memories again and Emma is completely dark and turned a dwarf to stone. I can't do anything about any of that, except the dwarf I'll snap my fingers at him another day, but I can magic us out of these ridiculous clothes."

*Poof*

"Aw Regina, you remembered what clothes we were all in before we left?"

"Were you not paying attention? We all lost our memories, as far as I'm concerned that's what you were wearing five minutes ago….that shirt has a really nice print."

"Let's not change out of these for a while, flying in a tornado and trekking through the forest in Camelot only messed them up a bit."

"Excuse me love, what happened to those new clothes? I quite liked my new big coat."

 **Number three**

"Wait where's Belle? She was right behind us with Merida."

"Where's Merida?"

"Belle! Belle!"

"I'll head back."

"No need, I saw a vision of what would happen, Merida has decided Belle's going to help save her brothers."

"You had a vision about this and are only now telling us, that's a bit convenient."

"Belle will return in a couple of days."

"..."

"Really she'll be fine."

 **Number four**

"Good job picking the lock to the basement Robin, I knew there was a reason I asked you to come along mate. Although it would have been slightly awkward to tell you to push off once Regina said she'd come."

 **Number five**

"Oh Rumpel, you were in a coma just five minutes ago and now there's no trace of you. I have friends in Storybrooke, they'll help me find you and make sure you're OK. Better run home and change into a nice green dress before I tell them."

 **Number six**

"How is my apprentice? He is within your world now is he not? He's served me his whole life you know."

"Actually he might be in a coma or dead, it was difficult to tell. The blue fairy didn't seem too worried about him though."

"What? I will use my realm crossing communication magic to check on him once we've saved Emma and defeated the Darkness."

….

 **Author's Note:** It's not just me right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Oops forgot my disclaimer!** I own nothing, I'm just writing this to ease my own soul. You can thank **RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley** for pointing these ones out to me. Thanks for the prompts and to PastOneonta and ladybugsmoma and guest for reviewing.

…..

 **Number Seven**

"Hey Grumpy?"

"Yes Happy."

"You know how you made that big speech about being part of the action and not getting left behind all the time and Snow got all tearful and looked like she was agreeing with you?"

"Yes."

"Have you actually done anything since we got to Camelot?"

"No."

"Oh."

"I had a nice conversation with Belle."

"Oh well that is nice."

"Hey at least we weren't brought over just to act as plausibility for why Neal is never with his parents."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing Granny."

….

 **Number Eight**

"Thanks for rescuing me."

"Of course Lancelot, we revealed Snow and I were cured instead of trying to trick Arthur into thinking we were still under his influence and ended up putting him on high alert just for you, but it's the least we could do."

"Did we check the other cells? Arthur probably had more than two prisoners."

"Shush Belle."

"Hey now I meant to ask before, where have you been all this time? Did you know Cora was pretending to be you to trick the curse survivors in the Enchanted Forest and then kill them all?"

"What? Oh my god. Who is this Cora?"

"The Queen of Hearts."

"Damn, I did meet her, she tricked me into leaving this realm for Wonderland."

"Ah convenient."

"Yeah it wasn't all bad though, met this beautiful red queen, sort of broke up her marriage to this sarcastic knave unfortunately."

"Is that like your thing, mate?"

"Like you can talk."

"Speaking of which, now I know Merlin can cure Arthur's magic powder let's go and save Guinevere. She's my true love and I can't stand the thought of her being Arthur's willing slave."

"Before we do that, how did you recognise Merlin anyway?"

"Errr, it was obvious who else would he be?"

"I guess. Look we're going to infiltrate the castle later and try to steal Excalibur from under Arthur's nose and seeing as you lived in the castle and you sneaked in before to talk to Snow about Arthur being evil, we're not going to involve you, even in the planning stage."

"Oh, who are you going to listen to for advice?"

"The Wicked Witch who Regina has been mentally torturing since we got here. She doesn't have any reason to trick us."

"Oh OK."

….

 **Number Nine**

"Henry, I'm so confused I'm hitting puberty and now I have all these horrible hollow feelings, like I should be feeling something but I can't and I think I'm going mad."

"Oh Violet! That's probably because you don't have a heart. We never actually saw my mom put it back."

"What?"

"I know, I was so caught up with how betrayed I felt I forgot to get my other mom to check if you actually had your heart back or if you were still under the Dark One's control."

"The Dark One is your mother?"

"One of them, the other one was the Evil Queen."

"I'm just going to go get my dad."

...

 **Author's note:** Thanks for reading.


End file.
